previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
You've just returned back to Waterdeep.
It's a day off, motherfuckers!
Some citizens are trying to bring some cheer with the annual Old Hallows Eve Festival.
All hail the decimators, dragon queen, see you later, we.
Good day, good day, five gold!
Make it to the end of the haunted house and the treasure's all yours.
Enter and you see the edge of a pit, trapped.
Now watch it running there, see ya!
The stone archway before you is filled with a bale of thick vapors.
You also see runes.
Acerac congratulates you on your powers of observation.
Well this is fucking bullshit.
I take my dagger and I just like poke in the mouth of the, uh,
Oh!
The dazzled, in this like weird devil glory hole we found in this herby haunted house.
You step into the mist and you feel it envelop around you.
And you blink and you are in a miserable cubicle
which appears to have absolutely no means of egress.
Yeah.
I'm gonna need you to come in on Sunday.
Totally, I'm gonna have to get you to come in on Sunday.
There are three iron levers, you do the first two
and then as the third one hits the bottom, the floor gives way.
Donnie manages to pull his up and as he does,
the floor slowly begins to rise beneath your feet
and you find yourself standing back on solid ground.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
We're a D&D fifth edition actual play podcast
and I'm your dungeon master Russ More
and with me today stuck in a small tiny room is Amy More.
That's how I feel all the time.
And I play Thea Amastasia.
And Carla Johnson.
And I play a new Laura Moonbrook.
And Tom Laird.
And I play Flint Firebeard.
Now one more time with our scary names.
Oh crap.
I play Thea Amastabua.
Oh yeah.
Oh that's real good.
I play Bulara Moonbrook.
I mean Moon seems spooky.
Yeah.
So I guess it's still just Bulara Moonbrook.
Full Moonbrook.
Oh there you go, Bulara Full Moonbrook.
That's good.
That was good, that was good.
No problem.
I still don't have a good one for Flint.
Spooky Flint.
There it is.
Yeah.
Spooky Flint.
So yeah I mean you guys are still stuck there.
We'll get there.
Don't worry.
I mean you may or may not get out.
This might be where we end the podcast.
I don't know.
This might be where we die.
We won't even be there for the inevitable rise of TMS.
We'll be stuck in this haunted house.
The inevitable haunted house.
We don't know.
We do not know.
You do not know.
If this is just all for gags.
It's true.
Right?
That's true.
Yeah.
Because we could have fallen through there.
It could have just been an illusion.
We would have ended up on the outside of the haunted house
and he would have been like better luck next time.
I got 15 gold from you suckers.
We would have landed on a giant whoopee cushion
and everyone would have laughed at us.
Oh because there would have been a giant fart sound.
Each crowd.
It would have been so embarrassing.
And they would have been like decimator of dragons.
What do they decimate them with?
Farts.
And we never would have been able to show our face
and water deep again.
That's true.
Game over for us.
If you want to see more of these faces in water deep,
all you got to do is go to Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
Join us over there as part of our community.
And for two bucks a month, you can join our fantastic gookangs.
You can legit see our dumb faces.
Once a month, you can see these dumb mugs for an hour.
Hey, people love seeing these dumb mugs.
So I'm told.
Okay, hold on.
Idea.
Next gookang.
Next.
We bring really dumb mugs.
November.
And we hold them up when we and be like,
here's our dumb mugs.
I like it.
Superstore and Walmart has a lot of fun dumb mugs.
Ones that are like,
don't talk to me until I have my cup of caffeine.
Or you can go to dumbdragons.com
and click on our store button
and get a whole bunch of great mugs.
No, because you can also get ones that say like poop juice.
Ew.
That's just terrible.
Is that?
Wait, are we making another Austin Powers reference?
Because we love to make those.
That's true.
We're really powerful bastards.
It's a little nutty.
Yeah, sorry.
We've really derailed things for us as always,
but I feel like maybe even faster than normal this time.
And when you're part of Patreon,
you get an episode dedicated to you.
And today's episode is dedicated to Kavin Duckworth.
Thanks, Kavin.
Thank you, Kavin.
You're amazing.
You are amazing.
And now let's get back to this haunted house.
We have some more podcast reviews.
This is a new segment that I haven't done in a long time,
but Tom did the thing.
So if you keep giving us reviews,
we'll keep doing a couple in an episode.
Yeah, we'll read them as we go.
Amy, do you want me to book?
I got two right now.
Sure, do both.
Yeah, I'd love two.
Okay, so this one is by Skeptical Loki from USA.
And he says, he gives us five stars.
Thanks.
And he says,
listening to the cast riff on each other
and the story unfolding in unusual ways
is one of my podcast listening highlights.
Great stuff.
What he means when he says unfolding in unusual ways
is these guys are dumb and they don't pick up on it.
Totally.
When I listen to this podcast,
I spend a lot of time angry thinking,
what are they doing?
Why are they so dumb?
Why don't they go this way?
Yeah, it is so obvious what they should be doing.
Yeah.
And then the second one is from Zimbalina13.
You know this person?
They're from Australia.
I don't know them precisely.
I know a few people listen to us from Australia.
Every fiber of my being to not do a really bad
Australian accent right now.
Like talking about shrooms on Barbies and whatnot.
Second highest download country.
Oh, way to go, Australia.
Australia.
And she says, absolutely fantastic.
This is a great D&D actual play podcast.
The characters are wonderful and well played
and the DM is excellent at his job.
The show is hilarious
and I thoroughly enjoy listening to it
and laughing out loud.
It brings a smile to me every week.
Definitely a must listen to those
who like D&D actual play podcasts.
That's so nice, guys.
Yeah, is it possible we're reading reviews
of a different podcast?
I always wonder.
I mean, they don't call us out by name
or anything in the podcast.
I mean, that is so nice that it seems like,
really?
Are you sure?
I mean, there were no names dropped in there.
That's what I'm thinking.
It's still possible.
Maybe it's just a generic no.
We thank you.
It's true.
It seems like they seem legit.
It just still blows my mind that
anyone listens to us dinguses.
But that's why we love you so much.
It's a bunch of doings.
Thank you very much.
If you want to have your review read,
we may move these to the interlude.
We'll still read them.
That's cool.
Yep.
But if you want to do that,
we'll definitely read them
because we appreciate you
and you listening to us.
Heck yes.
Let's play D&D.
Because you guys like,
you totally left me hanging.
Because I'm like literally just floating.
You're floating.
So that's run out, obviously.
What?
The 10 minutes doesn't continue
after we stop eating.
This is in real time.
You guys have been stuck in this 10-foot room
for a week.
Luckily, you brought your rations in.
You're fine.
We'd eat Donny first.
Just saying.
They've been throwing like,
Five Guys burgers down the chute to us.
It's been great.
I like how I can create creatures,
but I'm like,
no, we'll eat Donny first.
So yeah,
you're still stuck in this 10-foot room.
You've got,
you figured out that
putting all three up
reveals a crawl space above you.
Putting all three down
reveals a possibly 100-foot drop down.
Would anyone like to
move them to the side
and create a door
on a regular floor
to maybe get out of here?
I like that idea.
I think like,
draw a weapon first.
One of us, at least.
Maybe there's a creature or something.
What if we did like,
the left one to the left,
the right one to the right,
and the middle one up
and just like,
blew the walls and roof off this bitch.
That's fun.
I like where your head's at.
The merchant clearly did not think of this option.
No!
We stroll out of this haunted house
set up just like,
badass as like,
flames behind us just rubble.
Just like, brushing the dust off of our lapels.
A remake of like,
an old pop song
that's slowed down a little bit
while we walk real slow.
Like an emo version of an old pop song.
No, no, it's always like,
it's always like a girl singing it
and it's always really like,
ethereal.
Maybe acoustic.
Ethereal?
Ethereal, yeah.
Ethereal.
That's what I meant.
Guys, guys have been awake since 4 a.m.
That's fair.
Guys, cut us some slack.
Anyways, what are you guys doing?
Tell me.
Let's do this.
Let's get through this thing.
Guys, I'm gonna push the levers to the left.
Yeah, all the levers go to the left.
I take off my, I disengage my spell.
Okay, so you're no longer levitating.
I go downsies.
All three levers to the left and nothing.
Okay.
We shake them to the right?
To the right.
To the right?
All three levers move to the right.
Can we do my plan where we blow the walls and roof off this bitch?
You move one to the left, one to the right, and one up and nothing happens.
Okay, so it seems like that rooftop getaway is our is our best idea.
That's our only option, yeah.
Well, it's gonna climb up your ladder like a fucking peasant.
It's only 10 feet up.
So, you know, you can reach it.
So we can boost each other and then Johnny can just fly out there.
Yeah, yeah.
Cool, let's do that.
I push my lever up.
Moving all three up again, the crawlspace door opens back up.
I see it's dark up there, right?
It is dark up there, but, and it's pretty low.
We're going to have to crawl.
I can, I can produce flame and…
Oh, don't worry about it.
And I say banana and my orb comes out and hovers in the air.
I heard about your banana.
So I can see because y'all can see in the dark except for me, so.
Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring.
banana orb put that on the spotify playlist by the way
yes i feel like it's not the i mean for sure it's not the first time it's come up because
last time the banana sorry came out it came up Nulara's going first uh followed by sure or sorry
i know sorry who's going first okay i'm just i'm just trying to stabby mcgee get up there
all right Nulara goes first who's going behind uh i'll go next i'll go after flint and
donnie will go last uh it's about a three foot crawl space so it's a i mean it's it's okay you
can fit through it curves off to the east um and you crawl for a little while probably like 10
or 15 minutes and then it opens up it's a pretty long time it's a pretty long time
and it opens up and you see a dim lit hallway ahead of you you step out into it and you find
your back at the entrance to the haunted house with the red snaked path
i can't believe he's trapped us in another fucking place it's all in another maze we're
in another fucking maze is what we're doing nobody's nobody guys we're not happy about it
listeners aren't happy about it let's try and get out of this one a little bit faster okay
so it's not christmas and we're still stuck in the all-hallows-day haunted house
we're gonna rename the roller dungeon master to maze master yeah totally okay i guess we uh
can i roll for perception and see if all of the things are in the same spots everybody
roll for perception as you continue down the hallway okay 14 well i crit failed so
i don't even know where i am i got a 14 what order is everybody going in
i think i was gonna charge forward because i feel like i like i know where to go well last
time you knew what was up in there yeah okay so yeah you continue forward and you as you're
going down you see you get kind of well most of the way down to the end there
and something you didn't see before above the last trap door that you see so the last trap
door is snugged right up to the right wall of the hallway and it appears that there may be
a secret door above the trap door within the wall hey guys do you see that and i point to it
i think it might be a door so the so the trap door is like 10 by 10
yep can i reach this secret door if i go to like the edge of it
and like slide my hand along the wall it's a bit of a stretch but you can you can probably
reach it yeah and is it stone like it's like a stone cut out essentially yeah like it looks
like it's it just looks like it's slightly miss shaping as towards the everything is very
well laid in like as i said the everything is like covered in cement or some sort of masonry
yeah guys i think this is a door donnie would you mind flying over and pushing on it
i guess okay i mean you don't have to no it's fine no it's fine no no we can get we can
get flint's rod of lordly might it's fine yeah i feel like you rolled very high in
perception and this is totally okay to do what's perception wait a minute i know that word yeah
what's rolling that's what i mean so yeah he he uh he begins to push at it and it depresses
and slides back and it reveals a dark corridor that goes straight in and to the left donnie
the man oh yeah i knew it all along was totally going to be safe there totally trusted you uh can
we use the uh rod of lordly might ladder to uh certainly i can jimmy it on up there yeah i uh i
assemble the rod into a ladder and put it over the pit trap and we get on over there yeah you
get in there quite easily um and you carry down this pathway and it goes about 50 feet
it goes in about 10 feet and snakes down to the left and then turns back one other way
and you reach an end where there is a smooth wall but you feel like it's a very similar door
um who went in first and who's addressing this uh i guess i probably wouldn't win first you push
on the door and it begins to slide away revealing another chamber so you enter into
a new chamber that is about uh 30 feet by 30 feet and there are three chests in the chamber
three wooden chests three oops bosom chests that's totally what i thought you meant you both you
both looked down and were like writing which good for you guys and i was doing this like
just like oh that's why russ felt the need to go over there yeah i had my for this is an audio
medium but like i had my hands like big boobs out in front of me so the chests there is one
the westerly chest is gold plated covering iron the center one is silver and the eastern
one is of oak bound with thick bronze bands each is about four feet long two feet wide and
three feet high go to the gold one and i investigate it
that's character growth she doesn't just throw it open and poison spray everybody
right that was only a 10 or maybe she does so what are you what are you doing to investigate
it uh well i'm looking at like any sort of opening mechanisms any locks any traps it looks
like it has a handle that you can lift and open so it's not like sealed or anything
no i'm gonna check specifically for traps is that investigate again or perception
investigate 20 whoa i'm looking for poison spray in my face i'm looking for poison cloud
gas i'm looking for um like barbs that like shoot out of my face you see none of those
things and as you're examining the chest you begin to hear a noise coming from the chest
what does it sound like you put your no that is amazing you turn and put your ear
near and you hear slithering inside not this one why not i think there's snakes in there
oh good call okay okay good what do you guys got going on over there all right i'll go uh
i'll go investigate the oak chest see what i can see and that is a 17 it looks like a standard
old wooden chest you investigate for similar traps i assume yes all of the traps like amy
described you find none of them you listen no snake you're no slithering okay okay i'm going
to investigate uh the silver one that is a 14 it is a beautiful silver chest you don't see
any traps it looks totally normal it's never totally normal and someone says this is totally
normal it's totally normal it's it looks like a silver chest okay i'll retract my totally normal
statement it looks like a silver chest there are no no visible traps that you can see um and no
no slithering totally normal totally normal what do you think flint how confident are you
about yours being not trapped i'm fairly confident i mean i'm pretty i'm pretty
confident about it um what if we open them both at the same time oh i stand behind you guys
with donnie totally ready i i don't know to like cast a spell or something if need be
okay okay let's open them both at the same time i like that we've become chaotic
right okay all right remember we're just playing the game two one one go yes a silver and oak
chest open quickly at once Nulara you see within yours a clear crystal box that holds
a ring and inside the oak chest springs an animated giant skeleton
them bones them bones gonna walk around strikes out at flint bring it laughs them across the
face like a bitch oh misses but misses reaching behind itself it grabs its shortbow and fires it
directly at thea with a 19 to hit taking 10 piercing damage oh boy thea is going to cast
eldritch blast on this motherfucking bony skeleton bitch boney m over there i need to make a range
spell attack 17 uh we'll hit 16 damage force damage as it fires and strikes you quickly with
its shortbow you let four three eldritch blasts and they strike into the skeleton
welling up with this magical energy and explode the skeleton across the room
sweet this might be my my first like one shot i killed it and it's like the first time
you were fighting and no one had done anything yet you know what i just need more
confidence you guys i think that might be my problem you're right thea i feel like do you
do you want this ring in this box like you really kind of you really like blasted the shit
out of that skeleton yeah you kind of earned it after that okay yeah i i am though a little
wary about special objects we find now because sometimes they possess us in a negative way
this is um so can i cast detect magic on this ring inside the chest there is a clear
crystal box inside the box is the ring inside the ring there's inside the ring there's a
village of tiny people oh my god okay i open the box can i open the box is an openable box
it doesn't appear to be able to open i smash the box so you lift the box i do as you lift
the box eight darts shoot always
five have hit so so five out of six of them i said eight oh okay well that's better i guess
so you take 20 damage but you have a crystal box oh huzzah i smashed it on the floor as you're
about to smash it you notice there's a way to open it from underneath okay open it from underneath
and you pull out the ring and you cast detect magic on it well no i open it i don't touch the
ring and i cast detect magic on it you detect magic magic and it should be able to tell me
what kind of magic you can you can detect that it is a ring of protection probably would have
been good to have before the party isn't it the ring of protection will get you
plus one on ac and plus one on saving throws whenever you're wearing it what the hell
well no i mean that's good but my spell could have penetrated that stupid
motherfucking crystal box no it was a magical box you detect that the crystal box was magic
as well guys it's a ring of protection would have been nice before i got all these barbs
you know like shot at my face and shit but i mean like three darts stuck in your face
oh my god one in your arm and one like in your like in your side i thought i pulled them out
it's a real mixed bag for thea she had that real successful skeleton exploding
then some darts in the face it wasn't great but then the ring so it's it's been a real
roller coaster what kind of fair ride is this peaks and valleys my friend peaks and valleys
you look around the room sorry go ahead no i was just going to ask is there another
exit in this room or what what do we see now or should we open the snake box
as you begin to look around the room you notice no visible exits but everybody make a perception
check failed again you guys wow eleven i have a 17 i'm killing these roles i am like if this
is my night to have shitty roles i'll take it in the haunted house not um new laura is just
like looking around i'm walking towards that gold box full of snakes
guys do you see there was another one over here okay what'd you say about this box you see there
is a uh what looks like to be a secret or hidden door to the south and a secret or hidden
door to the north can i investigate the north door see if there's any like traps or anything
you bet you can do i see these doors as well yes you do i do i go investigate the south door
while he's doing the north door 15 not 20 nice they look like totally normal doors to both of
you perfect oh my god what a waste of a fucking 20 i push on mine it opens up into a small
crawl space and flint we're crawling on this side you guys i'm also going to push on mine
secret door it opens up into a small three foot crawl space perfect well we got uh we got crawling
up here too so what do you want to bet that if i crawl through here i'm gonna end up coming
through your door oh that would be hilarious if that's the case right who thinks up this stuff
tell you what i'll crawl through this one and we'll see if i end up at your door okay
we'll just give you like a minute or so though because yeah that's fair that's what he gave
you last time exactly look at us moderately splitting up the party for mere moments
you follow down this crawl space there flint and it immediately curves off to the left
you come out into a long great hall and as you come into this area you see a hallway
where the floor is inlaid of tiles and the walls and ceilings are painted with figures
of animals strange signs and glyphs you also see that there are glowing globes
in this room there's 20 globes and they're all different colors and they're all different colors
i look at Nulara and i just say um i'm gonna i'm gonna go through this one
and just see if i meet up with them okay don't open the gold box and i go
make a perception check as you crawl in uh how about a 13 you crawl in and it goes back
about 20 or 30 feet and you think you see a dim light down at the end just as the floor gives way
i made a mistake just as the floor gives way
i made a mistake and the doorway slides closed and you find yourself back in the lever room
well that's shitty
i know no one can hear me from here the door closed behind her yeah make a make a perception
check there Nulara oh well that's a seven
Nulara tries to open the snake box you hear none of this you hear uh thea go in
but the door closed quick enough that you only heard rumbled musings of perhaps something going
on as thea has gone beyond your field of vision okay well i don't like this at all so i think
what i'm going to do is go um to the other door where flint went i will go to that entrance
and start going that way like sure calling him like flint something happened flint come back
this way am i able to hear that rest i mean i'll keep i'll go in until like i hear back from you
yeah absolutely you can hear that okay so i hear that so i started crawling back uh back down
the hallway i came from sure do you guys meet halfway and now Nulara can't turn around
and she'll be backwards and you guys are like nose to nose yeah that's fun so while we're doing
that i explain thea went the other way the door closed behind her uh so i wanted to get you it
seemed like a bad idea for us to be separated yeah no that's uh that's a good call let's
let's go find her so i i scooch back and i scooch forward you make it back into the room
with the with the chests and meanwhile i yep what are you doing i i lift up all the levers
and the roof opens just as it did the last time you were in i jump up there yeah and i
quickly army crawl for 15 fucking minutes flint and Nulara well we gotta go down that other
door yeah um yeah i assume we like open the door and go that way yep you carry down the
path who's going first i'll go first flint goes first the floor gives way beneath you
and you fall in and it's slanted so Nulara falls in behind you
and you find yourselves back in the lever room what does donnie do when this happens
immediately does he zip in behind i think so yeah all right he stays pretty tight with me
so when we get in the lever room like thea is not there thea is not there but like did
we fall from the ceiling like are the levers up and the ceiling is open or it's like reset
the levers are in the reset position and the ceiling closes behind you okay you think this
is the same lever room from before i i mean we got to assume right this is just a haunted
house on a truck right how big can it be and i hope the like she probably just went to find
us right yeah i mean if this was the same one we know how to get out so let's try it i guess
let's just do that so we put all three levers up all three go up and like before the ceiling
opens what's thea doing uh thea takes out a piece of parchment and scrolls a note and leaves
it where she lands at the beginning of this stupid fucking house and and writes meet you
in the room with the chests and i leave that on the floor and i go remembering the way to go
and i go through the secret door in the wall which you're gonna have to jump over which i'm
gonna have to jump over but i but never mind i just wait and i just sit there
there i go and not today pit not another pit you sit there and you wait for a little while but
after a good amount of time flint pops his head through oh hey there they all ignore the note
what note because i have the note on the floor so you still wrote the note i did i wrote it
before i got there and went now i'm not realizing oh this is a bad idea oh yeah uh
okay yeah well we'll meet you in the chest room uh okay now that flint's back with his ladder
yeah i get the rod into his ladder position over the pit and you guys make it back to the chest
room chests are still busted up like we everything looks to be as you left it okay cool
oh my god was yours any better flint yeah was it just a pit or can i just take you back
no it wasn't a pit actually went to a different place with a bunch of weird globes
okay i'll take that over falling and then crawling falling and crawling i just don't want
you know i'm so tired of repetition let's go to this new place yes please all right let's do it
oh hello i'm your dungeon master Russ More thank you for joining us for episode 61 of
Dumbgeons and Dragons the part two of our haunted house of horrors from last week's halloween episode
another big thank you to spencer joe for writing the song water deep which kicked off
the episode recap today if you need music written and performed for your podcast game
or other piece of media spencer joe is in the commission scheme you can send him an email
to spencer joe music that's spencer j o music at gmail.com he's an amazing artist
who can certainly help you out with whatever you need i'll link all his details in the description
another way you can support the show and join an amazing community is by joining us on Patreon
that's Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast where for a monthly pledge you can have access
to an amazing community of people as well as get access to a whole bunch of amazing perks
i'm going to say amazing one more time because that's what i'm feeling today like
monthly bonus episodes dm notes gook hangs and we're even looking to add a few new
things to help build up the community for the new year check out all the details at Patreon.com
slash dumb dragon cast you can also support the show by sharing a link to your favorite episode
or just the show in general to social media talk about us to your friends and family or
write a review on apple podcasts stitcher or wherever else you can write reviews
every little bit helps get us out in front of more people who will hopefully love the show as
much as you do all of our social media links and more about us and the show can be found at
dumbdragons.com so go check out the website and join follow or like where you can today
and a huge thanks to sirenscape for some of the amazing sounds and atmosphere that you heard
in today's episode make sure you check them out at sirenscape.com to bring your games
to life links for everything mentioned today can be found in the description and the next
episode will be out wednesday november 14th but let's see how we can wrap up this old
hallows eve night back here in the haunted house have a great week we'll talk to you soon
you end up in this great hall of spheres and you see 20 spheres down the line of this
long fucking hallway and what flint didn't quite notice because he was so enamored with all
these colorful spheres real colorful guys is down along the south wall there is an open archway
and up near the north wall off to the left there is another pathway the archway looks very
similar to the one when you guys entered and went to the left with the mist i don't want to
go through that one if we end up back in the lever room i'm gonna fucking i'm just gonna i
i won't i can't handle it you guys um what do you think these orbs do i don't think they're
gonna do anything good what was that thing about the colors again uh let me read it
to you off of this piece of parchment that i had scrawled all right so shun green if
you can but night's good color is for those of great valor so like maybe black so black
and green maybe are cool uh red stands for blood that's never good the wise will not need
sacrifice ought but a loop of magical metal oh i think i'm good with my ring
just throwing that out there two pits along the way will be found to lead to a fortune
no we did that one we checked the wall we really should have been looking at this paper
throughout this because it's spelling everything out for us you guys um so check the wall
because that's where we got these keys and those are most important of all and beware
of trembling hands and what will maul okay if you find the false you find the true and into
the into the columned hall you'll come and they're the throne that's key and keyed
and then we're going to meet some iron men grim faces oh god okay so we're looking
for like statues of some sort i guess so green and green and black maybe might be
our colors uh what colors well this is chung green if you can that's usually not a good
thing so are there black balls there is a black sphere on the east wall about midway down
in the hall there is a black sphere at feet
what if we're like totally wrong about the spheres being good and it just like vaporizes
fast yeah that's it that's a possibility um but it's all just it's all just an illusion
remember the guy told us it's fine yeah you know what though right this pain feels pretty
real as i'm still bleeding from my face wounds and like from the barbs and shit and i don't want
to go first that's what i'm saying i don't want to go first why don't we go at least like
check out this black sphere sure i'm just gonna look at it real close it looks like a glowing
lovely sphere suspended at about feet height when i see that Nulara hasn't been vaporized i
come over and i also investigate the sphere um uh but instead i just see a very pretty so
beautiful like one of those fushigi balls you feel you can manipulate the spheres there Nulara
okay like like mentally
okay now like cup it sure would be cool if you followed us along everyone would think
you were everyone would think you were a real cool sphere if you just solved this mystery for
us i couldn't think of how to manipulate something i mean i know i know that's what he
means but i couldn't think of a joke thing to say to try and be manipulative sure
um okay i am going to very very carefully because it seemed like there was something
in the runes about like trembling hands or something um try to pick up the black orb
you begin to move it and you find that it can't move side to side but instead it can only move
up and down along what feels like an invisible pathway for it you look at all the other globes
and notice that they are at varying heights as well some are head height some are to the
ceiling some are down low like this one so you can move it up and down so are the spheres like
basically lining the walls of the hall then okay yeah oh okay so this sphere is directly across
from this sphere a gray sphere held at shoulder height um i don't really want to get hurt
anymore but i have an idea Nulara what if we moved our spheres so that they were
equi distance from the ceiling together like so like the same height okay i like it i like
any kind of plan let's try it i go over to the gray one and i investigate it first
i do better 13 it's a beautiful sphere damn it's so pretty maybe i'll just move mine down
to like the knee height i just don't feel like it should be around any internal organs like i
don't want to be like chest height or head height or anything like that so i stand to the side i'm
not like behind directly in the line and i'm and i just and i gently just kind of like
lower it until it's about the same height okay the other one they get to the same height
and they are at the same height god damn let's let's say you're just wandering around the hall
here and um you're just like looking at all these beautiful spheres man an iron
a man in an iron mask do you see any leonardo de caprio's
yeah has has anything like grabbed my attention um well i mean you probably walk
down to check out the archway more closely and as you step closer to it three stones in the
archway in front of you begin to glow the left hand base shines with an olive hue one on the
right glows citron and the keystone seven feet overhead gives off russet light
what color is russet is that brown like a potato like brownish reddish like dried blood
color okay perfect yeah love it which i feel like was one of the things in the thing wasn't
there something about blood uh i mean it's russet is technically considered brown but
is a pale reddish brown okay sure i'm just gonna go out on a limb and touch the yellow one
oh bold good for you just happening guys you touch it and nothing happens to you
nothing happens to it it still continues to glow at about the same intensity that it was before
i look over and i see him touching the yellow one can i find a matching orb yeah that's what
i was wondering is there any like corresponding like olive russet citron ones in a row or um
like yellow blue orange in a row like in that other room of glowing or no there's i will
there's i will give you the quick rundown there's a gold an orange a purple a bronze a gray a bright
blue a white a turquoise a scarlet a pale green a pale blue a silver a green a yellow a pink a
black a pale violet a red a buff and an indigo i'm sorry the citron is not yellow well this
is that those are different things that was like the glowing thing in the arch and then
the other thing was the other thing right um what about indigo could be the color of night
let's go let's go move that one around see if something happens do it yeah you begin to move
it around and nothing appears to happen in the room can i go and investigate the other
exit yeah you walk down to the end of the hallway and it appears to be a darkened hallway
that goes back about 20 feet and curves off to the right guys i think we just have to pick
one of these exits to go through and just see kind of what happens hey we're terrible
at puzzles anyway so let's just try that other exit see what happens yeah sounds good we're
gonna go through the one play to our strengths or no glowy stones let's say no glowy stones
yeah i was thinking that too okay perfect we go into the no glowy stones you walk down the
hallway who's going first i'll go first so you flint you get down and you can see into what
looks like a small room that holds what appears to be a statue of a gargoyle eight feet tall
with four arms one of the arms is broken off and lies on the floor in front of the statue
so really he has four arms not just four arms he has four arms with four on his four arms
arms one of them is broken off so really only has three arms
uh what did the thing say about the iron face thing something about that yeah it says the
riddle only works in hindsight for us anyway but yeah the iron men of the zaars grim do more
than meets the viewer's eye okay so he's not just a pretty face he does something else too
for sure um and bust us out of here let's reattach that arm i pick up yeah can we try
reattaching his arm yeah sure i support it okay who's doing who's doing i pick up his arm and
try to like piecemeal it back onto the statue of the gargoyle are you like spitting on it and
stuff to like try to create some sort of clue no i'm just like kind of cleaning it with
my shirt and like trying to get it on there no no matter what you do it doesn't appear to
reattach itself and nothing appears to happen with the gargoyle make a perception check as
you're doing this that is a 14 as you're doing this you see that there is a one of his one of
its hands is open and outstretched and you see it's an open hand that something could be
put into look around see what else is in the room is it just as big statues or anything else
is there writing on the statue you see nothing of any sort you look at the other hands and they
are equally outstretched like you could place a gem i think we gotta find something to put in
these open hands there guys shall we try the other arch i guess so okay let's do it
defeated the three adventures walked through the other arch certain they're going to end up in
that fucking lever room again yeah exactly you walk towards the arch and as you have walked
down to the other side the stones stop glowing but as you come close the three stones of the
archway begin to glow again the mist inside begins to swirl who goes in first or you just
kind of all going in single file doing it up this time i mean probably we all just kind of
you all three walk through the mist envelops you and you find yourself back at the beginning
of the maze but instead of the stone floor it has turned back to wood and you look down
and the three of you are completely naked now we're talking
you hear
from outside the curtain that you turn around and see the voice of the merchant and he says
well there's your three chances hope you try again next time hey
your clothes are out here and he tosses them through the curtain
i have no idea what happened do i have my real damage we did not solve the riddle we did do
you have your what did i take all that damage actually like i'm coming out bleeding and broken
no you're back to full health fuck
i'm so confused i'm i'm well it wasn't scary so i guess you get stressed so i can sleep
tonight you guys you guys coming out now because i got another group looking to go in
i guess i mean come on it comes out like still buttoning up her shirt i try to warn the people
like it's not really did you already pay the five gold because you did okay well good luck
thank thanks yeah and they head in uh to the haunted house
so did you have funny obviously i mean you look like you got something there
yeah i hold out my hand for him to see
a ring of protection well i mean at least you made it that far yeah for sure would love to
have you back again next time i'm through maybe well you know like we'll just see what
our schedule looks like we might be too busy saving the world decimator i understand i understand
inevitable rise etc etc bad solving puzzles if we'd known it was a puzzle house we probably
wouldn't have gone in but i was just gonna see a ghost or something i hope there's no
puzzles in uh in saving the end of the world god me too yeah it's been real straightforward
thus far so i think we're all right all right well it's just punching and stabbing
because we're okay that's where we live that's our sweet spot is punching and stabbing
and casting spells thea i don't mean to sell you short oh no that's okay my my spells
punch and stab for me really oh perfect yeah uh okay well thanks for the super fun time sir
i look at my friends and i say you want to find a corn maze
you guys head off to find a corn maze um and there's a joke because we just came out of
fucking mazes you guys head off perhaps into the yawning portal in we'll say because it's
right there time to get drunk probably run into flamingans let's be honest she was real into
that place you open the door and it's a loud ruckus event going on and you hear somebody's
and then the camera pans back to the haunted house and the the old merchant
he looks over to you as you go in and we see his eyes glow a deep dark red
music
music in today's episode was by Kavin mcleod of incompetech.filmmusic.io
it's it's totes dark in here right it is dark pretty dark okay so i'm going she could ask me
because i've been up there you know sorry jeez i was asking tell us you want to be and like
yeah shame oh he's covering his face chamber of commerce chamber of horrors maybe yeah exactly
chamber of secrets um bed chamber took me a while sorry chamber pot oh that's a good one
yeah what happened and tell us shut up does he have a boner that's my question
is it an angry boner should i get my d boner out oh my god angry boner what a classic that
is a classic like five years ago i was gonna say it's been about a year at all a year
since we last discussed the angry boner that it even was a thing i won't ever let it die
reaching behind itself it grabs its short bow and fires it directly at theater with a 19
to hit because you know what um DMs are totally unbiased and if you piss one off it will not
come back to buy you in the ass okay i am going to
l
drich blast this okay now say that again without dragging out no i know i'm sorry find dwarven
bride three more chests but this time it is the boob kind
i'm having may's flashbacks totally and you end up back in the sundial room
god damn it sometimes you just have to jerk off the giant deck
well for that enormous devil glory hole now
there's gotta be a big three-foot dick here somewhere it's not a haunted house if there
isn't that's right i've never been in a haunted house that didn't have a giant three-foot dick
somewhere come on same as the other one the keystone and the two bottom pieces glue the one
on the glue glued i think that's how you say that they began to glow the glutes
Dumbgeons and dragons is a dumb dragons production